the concept is lost. the ship has been scuttled. petitioning the empty sky for something. some. other. another greater force. this is what this is what this is what life is? confusion sets in. visiting this place too many times before. contemplating the next visit. it'll be tomorrow. it'll be next year. it'll be always. the linear value continues to increase exponentially with no chance of. zero. null. void. incomprehensible to a child. the first born one will never have.

units don't exist anymore. fantasy land people. places. things. so much put into things. it'll be tomorrow soon. everyone will be gone. wishing to have met your grandfather. your grandmother. your next of kin. that's evaporated to a disneyesque proportion. it'll never be tomorrowland. it'll never be happily ever after. settle down. sit still. embrace the darkness. it has been there all along. alone. it's been quiet without you. welcome back.

no dad. no. no it's not like that. no he loves me and i love him. we're going to be together forever. he bought me a ring out of the gum ball machines outside of the jewels. he already treats me better than how you treated mom. fuck you. you wish you understood. i make so much money and i love feeling everyone's eyes on me. no! i never sleep with any of them. i have a boyfriend! he is a:

a. tattoo artist
b. musician (preferably lead guitarist or solo act)
c. dj
d. drug dealer
e. rehab rebound

no! i can't believe you would think i would go out with a guy like that again. he only hit me a few times. i didn't have enough money. never mind. i just wanted to tell you how great i was doing. bartending is great. it's what i always wanted to do. everyone looks at me with blank stares. i get some of the drinks wrong and sometimes have random bloody noses, but i'm good otherwise. i love you too. hey can you float me a couple of bucks? i'm short this month. you know i wouldn't ask unless i had to. yeah. i love you too.

i'm sorry.

the hypocritical double standard. been thinking about it. would the same people who abuse and make moves on people not able make the same or similar to those apt. to a tangent. not unlike a pendulum black swing. catapulting up and out. who is responsible? is there anyone here. out. in. gone. no .

what is there to know?  still broken from years gone past.  knowing that growth from and to and beyond is nothing more than a farce upon past actions.  life is a flow.  a linear path.  no one changes.  not one thing to make a life a better place.  if one never leaves comfort.  no risk equates no reward.  the first lesson is the representation of numbers.  then simple arithmetic. then it builds.  and it can get so far as calculus for the rare few.  but many stop at algebra.  and that's even too much sometimes.  linear equates growth.  but the base is still present.  always.  and if that base was broken during building.  sometimes one has to go back and rebuild.   

we are born into this. into life. into the greatness of being. biology leads everything around us. looking into eyes. pheromones. whatever. the simple subject is breeding.

maybe it's all wrong. maybe we are all wrong. whiskey tango's filling trailers with welfare babies to the hilt. and spreading that love into the next door double wide.

and then it springs into the idea of kings. and privilege. just because one is born into this doesn't mean we are made for this. everyone wants to move up and up and up. it's a minority of dropping down and out. into under-investment. no worries but food. shelter. environment. suicide appears to be a first world problem. that's middle class rambling there. what happens when you can't feed your kids? your family? yourself? decisions made by classes far beyond. the ruling class is the booming caste. owning up to militarized might and prowess of being. what makes a leader? a simple childhood decision. is it born into you? is it instinct? tomorrow appears to be today in so many eyes. decisions by a ruling hand thrown out with the bathwater.

and the future is blown on hands, too cold for the weather standing around a fire with friends and family. telling stories of back in the day. salad days. when might was right and we were number one. we've always been. we always will be. the greatest generation is the one you are part of. don't forget to tell your children. tomorrow is theirs. we just have to accept it.

dad and mom never understood my needs. my beliefs. living life in the suburbs. feeling out of place. out of mind. one percent. i was one percent. outside of society. living like i wanted to live. completely unhinged. juvie was cake. prison was fine. nothing could hold me. my mind was free. free as a bird. i made by fashion choices like i lived my life. hard denim for a hard life. no love lost. hands worn down after slaving away via monotony. factories. auto shops. it didn't matter. just had to get by to get to the next burg. next stop the desert. next stop the open road. i need one more pack of smokes and a tank of gas and it's smooth sailing from here on out. let's do this.

there aren't words for weather. it's just a passing phase in social interaction where there is nothing. no one to see eye to eye with. no one to trust wholly. when a first impression is an awkward bumble towards a constant exit, it's always best to just avoid it at all costs. anxious days and torrid nights keep the thermostat in the house constant 24/7. there is no way to save on gas in a culture where bowling leagues are dead. strangers are strangers are strangers. they will never be your friends. ever. never. ever. we're currently not equipped to make friends. it's behind screens. it's lack of touching. it's complete and utter failure of intimacy. and now. consumption is about to fail. the one true grasp we have. we can buy whatever we want to fill that black void. that rests alone. sitting in the dark cave waiting for as seen on tv to satiate it. it's starving now. it needs food delivered to it. it needs to see the new will farrell romcom. it doesn't need you. ever. because it has stuff. the goal is the goal. it's fucking cold out there. i hope you all freeze to death so i can finally embrace it.

nature just gives humans a big fuck you every now and then. no sooner have we destroyed some shit ass species off the face of the earth do two giant cats that are in a human run habitat in georgia or some shit where some lame ass whiskey tango bleeding heart with some money or a priest who has a slush fund for his pet projects.

then you get a giant fucking kitten. and it's just getting fucking bigger and bigger. and one day it'll be in a magic show because people like to see them disappear. will snap and start tearing throats out. by then its skin would be bulletproof and its reflexes so fast that faces would be torn off. the youtube videos would be amazing.

nature has a way. somehow plants grow in between sidewalk cracks. dust to dust. we're fucking nada. our kids and our kids kids. nothing. bacterias and cancers are the new generation. we're food for the vampires. true blood.